昨天晚上Fellowship後的對話大概是這樣的……
我:「Lo Lo~ 妳這件衣服很漂亮~ 貴嗎?」
Lo Lo:「才一百塊啊~」
Ka Ki: 「這衣服這麼Lady不適合Yolanda吧~」
我: 「會嗎~? 我不相信~ 你脫下來給我穿穿看!!!」
Lo Lo就有點勉強的把它脫出來給我, 我就立即把它穿在身上還繞了好幾個圈圈~
Ka Ki: 「很噁心~ 根本一點都不適合你~ 這麼女人~」Joy在旁邊傻笑。
我 (繼續繞圈圈):「不會啊~ 我也是很有女人味的啊~」
所有人: 「噁~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~快把它脫下來!!!!!」
我就默默的把那衣服脫下來, 在一陣冷嘲熱諷的氣氛下無言離開…….回家後照照鏡子, 檢視一下自己的身材, 我很確定我是女的!! 怎麼就是擺脫不了”男人婆”這個從小學就跟著我的暱稱?!!!!!!
不過的確這種常爬來爬去的野孩子, 和女人味是掛不上邊的吧……
自知道姨媽並沒有收到油畫後, 就像一顆洩了氣的氣球, 怎樣也提不起勁來, 連續兩天也作惡夢夢到它。醒來就是想著要打電話回香港問收到了沒有, 吃飯就是想著它是否被遺忘在機場的某個角落, 禱告時就是求神讓它被找回。 還有教會的姊妹發生交通意外; 香港也發生嚴重車禍很多人死傷; 糧食短缺問題一天比一天嚴重。
心情糟透了!!
Leave me alone………….
Happy Birthday to the lady who I respect the most in this world.
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Do you still believe in L.O.V.E in this century? When everyone is talking about disposable relationship? When the commitment people made in the marriage nowadays seems to become so untrustworthy? But surprisingly, I who grew up in an incomplete family still have a strong faith in love and marriage.
I search some images from the internet for an inspiration for my paintings occasionally. Few months ago, I got this picture from google image which brought me to tears.
It reminds me when I was at the age of sixteen, one sun shiny morning I was on my way to the supermarket alone. I was listening to those Hong Kong pop sad love songs. And then something appeared in front of my eyes I think I would never forget in my entire life. Under the sun, there was an old couple just came out from the supermarket, they were climbing up the slope slowly, so slowly. Then what I saw was they were holding each side of the shopping bag in order to share the weight of those foods, they smiled to each other and then continue to climb up the slope slowly, so slowly. I could feel the love between them instantly. I am so impressed until this moment. Then I said to myself I am not going to fall in love with anyone unless I meet the one, the one who is willing to share our burden no matter in what situations. Even when I get old, get poor, get ugly, get sick, get fat, get mad and get stubborn. The one will still love me for who I am. You might say I am a perfectionist; there is no such a guy like this in this world. Well~ then I would say I don’t mind for being single in my entire life but I do mind of wasting my time and energy in an insecure relationship. I am imperfect and I know the one will not be prefect, but with God between us will make everything incomplete into complete.
You will never abandon your family members such as your parents and you know that your family will never leave you alone neither, so why would you abandon your husband or wife if they are part of the family? And why would you feel like to be abandoned if you are already part of the flesh of your partner?
I am under emotional fluctuation these two days. Small things can irritate me so much. Maybe my menopause has started earlier.
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昨天在等巴士的時候, 有一位行動不便的老公公左搖右擺地走向我, 他口沬橫飛的向我介紹著他的畫作, 他說他在為慈善籌款, 我考慮了一會, 問他: 那你的畫多少錢? 我沒有很多錢在身 (這是真的!) 。 他就說: 那你有多少? 我就從錢包掏了四鎊給他, 他就賣了一幅他的作品給我。
記得早在十二三歲的時候, 有兩位比我大的女學生對我就她們不夠錢回家, 問我可不可以借她們一點, 我給了她們一點錢也把我的電話號碼給了她們, 她們說隔天就會打電話給我約一個地點把錢還給我, 結果我等到今年二十二三歲, 她們還未打電話給我。
還有那位人稱「旺角肥妹」, 她跟我拿五元坐車回家, 結果我給她十元。 約過了幾個月後, 路經旺角時她又說她欠五元。 最離譜的是我妹和她的朋友也遇過她….請問若她知道她會沒有錢回家那又為何天天去旺角呢?
還有今年新年回港, 有一天約中午的時份在家樓下遇上一位穿著亮麗的中年男士, 他問我旁邊的教會甚麼時候會有人, 我說今天是星期二, 沒有特別的活動應該不會開吧, 然後他說他錢包不見了, 他家住長洲, 回不了家, 而且已經兩天沒有吃東西了。 說完他的故事, 他就問我借一百元, 而且一再強調他不是騙子, 我說: 若我給你錢我也不能期望那是借吧, 是送吧。 他說他真的真的很需要錢。我心想若要回長洲也不用一百元啊~ 就說: 一百元也未免太多了吧~ 他說那五十元吧~ 二人竟在街上莫名其妙的討價還價起來, 最後我掏了二十塊給他, 他就走了。 回家後把事情告訴妹妹, 她就罵我笨……掉了錢包為何不找警察而是走了兩天問途人借錢……???
最最最生氣就是上年暑期和爸爸妹妹到巴黎旅遊, 在當地的火車站遇上了一位中國藉的婦人, 她走過來問我們有沒有一點歐元, 她說她沒有零錢, 差一點就可以買到車票了, 然後她說「大家也是中國人應該互相幫助」, 我們就給了她一點零錢。結果第二天早上, 爸爸到火車站買加啡的時候, 踫上了同一位婦人, 跟他說同一番話…………好一個中國人….
最痛苦的, 並不是我失去了多少錢, 而是有多少的愛心被糟蹋。 若你問我那為何我還是這麼笨…每次只要有人問, 我就給? 我只是想到聖經說若有人問你拿外衣, 你就應該連內衣也給他。 而且若知道要行善, 卻不行就是罪了。 也許你就會說我這樣並不是行善, 而是縱容那些人繼續行惡。 可是你在當下能立刻判斷到那人是欺騙還是真正有需要嗎? 我也試過遺失錢包, 我知道那種無助的感覺。 我常常在想也許九十九人中只有一人是真正需要的, 其餘都是騙子。 可是若我因為不想被那九十九人欺騙而選擇誰也不幫, 最後令那一位真正缺乏的人得不到幫助, 那我將不能原諒自己。
騙子欺騙是他們的錯, 但若見死不救就是我的錯。
還有, 請不要隨便踐踏別人的愛心, 這世界淨下的愛已很少了。
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My first watercolouring. I think water colour is the most difficult material to handle. It looks simple but it took me an hour to paint….
