Whatever You Do。Do It All For The Glory of God...

這幾天我在讀Jackie Pullinger的書, 又努力回想過去的點滴, 然後發現人真的是很奇怪的東西, 明知道書中一個又一個站出來見證神蹟在他們身上發生的人是不會說謊的, 而且自己也見證過神蹟在身邊的朋友上發生, 自己也親身經歷過神。 但很多時候還是會覺得那些超越我們智慧的事非常難以置信, 真是可笑, 這到底是理智還是不理智呢? 明知道真理, 還是選擇懷疑。 腦海中不禁響起經文: 「你這小信的人哪！為甚麼疑惑呢？」（馬太福音十四章31節）就像當時的猶太人, 即使耶穌行多少的神蹟, 他們就是不願意相信他, 「他雖然在他們面前行了許多神蹟，他們還是不信他」（約12：37） 人的心可以有多硬就有多硬。 成為一位科學家, 可以使人發現神創造這世界的美妙, 幾乎在任何東西上都找得到神的指紋; 可是另一方面那些局限性的邏輯思維亦是和神之間的最大阻礙。

我希望總有一天, 我可以把心中那一部我用來計算各個事情的有限智能計算機除去。 這樣我才可以把我的一生完全交托給神。

「只要 憑 著 信 心 求 、 一 點 不 疑 惑 。 因 為 那 疑 惑 的 人 、 就 像 海 中 的 波 浪 、 被 風 吹 動 翻 騰 。  這 樣 的 人 、 不 要 想 從 主 那 裡 得 甚 麼 ．  心 懷 二 意 的 人 、 在 他 一 切 所 行 的 路 上 、 都 沒 有 定 見 。 」(雅各書1: 6-8)

I don’t know where to start. I just want to thank god for bringing me back on track. I hope this retreat will be a life changing retreat; and I know it is. This is the first time I was so out of control in front of so many people. This is the first time my fear was removed. This is the first time I received a gift that I’ve never expected. This is the first time I realised how weak I am. This is the first time I fought against God but he won. This is the first I discovered how heavy my burden was.

I was educated to be a successful person. I always be compared with other children and I always compare myself to the others. I know I care so much how the others look at me; I care so much how my parent thinks of me. So I got into the university, studied the subject I chose, graduated with the grade that I want; and so what? I am not happy at all. I remembered when I first got my result; the happiness only lasted for five minutes. And I started to worry about getting a job. Certainly, I would like a great job. At least I would like to earn enough money to provide my family a comfortable house, to let me sister to study aboard, to feed them, to entertain them. I want to give them a carefree life. I want to thank them for supporting me to study in one of the most expensive countries. I want to pay them back. After I have spent so much money, if I am not able to get a “reasonable job”, I care how my friends and relatives think of me. Also I always thought if I can provide them a comfortable life, then I can tell them it is all because of God blessings and they will soon believe.

But I found that I was so wrong…I was so wrong… absolutely wrong. What is a big deal to share with the others if you already have plenty? How difficult to taste the beauty of the grace if you already have sufficient? What is so special if people believe in Christ because they think that God can make their life comfortable? What’s the point to be a slave of money or to be a slave of knowledge in order to express my love? Why do I have to live under someone’s expectation?

Indeed I would like to please my parent; I have to make sure that they live comfortably and happy. But if I can show them the love no matter if I am poor or rich; no matter if I am healthy or sick; no matter if I am pretty of ugly, no matter if I am successful or fail; no matter if I am able to provide them a comfortable life or not. This is the true love and they will surely believe.

Chinese is a really weird nation. They move around the world, separate with their family to study, to work in order to gain a better life for their family. But what is better than staying with the family? I remember I seldom saw my parent when I was small because they wanted to earn as much as money they could in order to give me the best life. But they never know that all I wanted was to sit around the table with them and have a proper meal. I always blamed them for using the wrong approach to love me. Ironically, I didn’t realized that I gradually transformed into my parent's style. How sad it is…..

Never mind, I think it’s not too late to realise that at the age of 22. Some people can spend most of their life and only realise that when they die. So, let’s start making a difference in 2008.

Can't believe I've spent so long in front of the computer writing a long boring entry…..I must have already started to change…..

2008年1月1日

 又要再重新適應一組陌生的數字, 相信在未來的日子裡, 仍然會有不下數十次寫錯2007。

 我。 總是一個愛活在回憶裡老頑固。 

記得兩個月前, 朋友問我, 人生是否重覆著的呢? 我根本沒有把這條問題放在心裡, 直至前兩天, 偶然又讀回自己從前的日記。 人生也許並不是重覆著, 不過我們總是重覆做著相同的蠢事, 有著重覆的笨想法以至才會發生重覆的事。 面對從前的自己, 覺得既可愛又可憐。 可愛是我的那份天真, 對神的忠心, 對朋友的熱情, 對家人的執著; 可憐是我那既殘缺又矛盾的完美主義性格, 總是在折磨著自己。  

事隔差不多五年, 仍然是我最愛的一篇日記

 2003年3月29日

近排又重溫佐一次“小王子“,呢本書的確有佢既魔力,故事好似真係好簡單,甚至有d悶, 但係其實真係好有意思~~ 有一章講到小王子好嬲,對主角講
 

『我知道有顆星球上面住了一位紅臉先生,
他從沒聞過一朵花,也從沒看過一顆星,
他更從沒愛過一個人。
他除了加減數字外什麼也沒做過。
他就跟你一樣,整天只會叨叨絮絮一再重複的說:
『我在忙我在忙,我是個正經的人!』
『看得出來他非常引以為傲,但他不是人,他是蘑菇。』
『什麼?』
『他是蘑菇』

哈~睇完呢段真係笑佐出黎…我地唔係就好似個紅臉先生咁咩? 成日好似好忙好忙,好多功課, 好多quiz,好多projects,好多書要溫,好多呢樣,好多o個樣…要做個正經人… 其實…原來我地根本唔係人…係蘑菇…哈~

大人會話,我地應該將眼光放遠d,唔應該只在乎眼前既事。o岩~不過有時未免放得太遠啦… 下一刻,我仲o係唔o係呢個世界上都未知,咁快諗到三四十歲要點要點?為將來而奮鬥係必要既, 不過原來其實都可以放慢腳步,欣賞下神所做既萬物,關心下身邊既事同人…

我一直行路都算快,D人成日問我“你好趕咩?”其實又唔係喎,只係習慣佐,呢排故意行慢d,你有冇發覺春天黎佐啦?唔止係天氣上,路邊都出現佐一d好細朵既小野菊啦…?你知唔知老麥既 開心樂園餐又換佐新玩具啦…?你幾耐冇搵你以前既好朋友啦?佢地點呀?你 記唔記得你有一本買佐好耐既書,或者vcd但係未睇呀?你幾耐冇試過全日乜都唔做淨係lur 係張床上面呀? 你有冇發覺呢排d生果甜佐d菜新鮮佐呀?你有冇發覺近排呀媽煮飯落多佐水呀? 你有冇發覺原來而家o係超級市場買滿$100有大抽獎呀?(以上都只係例子)

你可以話留意以上既事真係好無聊,浪費時間,你亦都可以話呢d其實係生活情趣~

咁你要做人,定係蘑菇呢?

我地可以繼續加減我地既數字,不過同樣都可以抽小小時間聞一朵花,看一顆星, 愛一個人。

重讀這一篇日記仍然讓我的淚流不止, 是否意味著我還是那位紅面先生呢? 

今天的我仍然會被從前的文字所感動, 是因為每一篇都是用靈魂去寫的。 而這靈魂正是我現在慢慢失去最寶貴的東西。 最近聽了一句話” 不要忘記當初最簡單, 最單純的那個初衷, 就可以唱出最接近天堂的聲音。” 若必要為08定下一個目標, 我希望用一年的時間, 找回那個瘋狂的我, 那個有溫度的我, 那個對生命有態度的我。

It's the time to get my life back on track. Maybe it's not a bad idea to have some fun. Why not try this?

 

作詞：蔡健雅

直到現在　走過的路
有些心酸辛苦但至少有些小幸福　愛過恨過走過的路
很多感觸　或許在一個人散步時心中還會回顧
只希望自己能走出片天空　勇敢的走　到未來

曾經被辜負過的心　是可以重新來過找回勇氣
生命中的成功失敗　也許總有一天我才會明白
誰會告訴我　什麼是對
懂還是不懂　只要不要被打敗

 

Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15 )
於 是 對 眾 人 說 ： 你 們 要 謹 慎 自 守 ， 免 去 一 切 的 貪 心 ， 因 為 人 的 生 命 不 在 乎 家 道 豐 富 。 (路 加 福 音12章15節 )

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:26 )
人 若 賺 得 全 世 界 ， 賠 上 自 己 的 生 命 ， 有 甚 麼 益 處 呢 ？ 人 還 能 拿 甚 麼 換 生 命 呢 ？(馬 太 福 音16章26節 )

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
你 要 保 守 你 心 ， 勝 過 保 守 一 切 （ 或 譯 ： 你 要 切 切 保 守 你 心 ） ， 因 為 一 生 的 果 效 是 由 心 發 出 。 (箴 言 4章23節 )

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23-24)
無 論 做 甚 麼 ， 都 要 從 心 裡 做 ， 像 是 給 主 做 的 ， 不 是 給 人 做 的 ，因 你 們 知 道 從 主 那 裡 必 得 著 基 業 為 賞 賜 ； 你 們 所 事 奉 的 乃 是 主 基 督 。 (歌 羅 西 書 3章23-24節)

May it be a blessing but not a burden.

As my birthday is approaching, may I have my friends's attention please. If you are going or wanting to give me a present . Please click on this website: https://www.worldvision.org.uk/ and sponsor a child. It only costs you 18 pounds per month (60p per day) or if you think it is too expensive, alternately you can still donate whatever amount you want; or if you want to donate to any other organisation, please do so.

I never wanted to advertise my birthday. But I know a party is going to happen anyway…..As this is a Yorkies' tradition… I understand picking a birthday present is not easy and sometimes can be annoying. Therefore, if you want to offer me a present that I will like and meaningful. The best way is to give the money to those needy people instead of giving me toys…. (Can never understand why people still keep treating me as a child… ). Just keep the receipt and give me as a birthday card. I believe it will be the best present in my life!  

Thank you for your attention.

Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest. (Luke 9:48)